Pin Cushion Good news, gang! I bought a new calendar so that I won’t forget to announce our monthly sci-fi pinups… though I’ll totally procrastinate working on them anyway.

But hey, at least I won’t have an excuse.

And with that, welcome back to the Science Fiction & Fantasy Pinups, the monthly segment that’s almost always on time. Once a month we comb through the list of hotties and naughties and hard-rock bodies to crown the cream of the crop. But of course, it’s the sci-fi pinups, so they’re not exactly your momma’s Chippendales or your papa’s Playboy Playmates.

They’d be green-skinned Chippendales. With tentacles and laser beam eyes. And that would be hot. And the sci-fi version of Playboy Playmates would be whatever Captain Kirk takes his shirt off for.

Which is everything with legs.

So let’s get to it and announce our winners for July!

Mr. July is a sales clerk at a sporting goods store by day, and a jump-starter of evil undead apocalypses by night. He’s an experienced time traveler, renaissance man, and a total lady killer.

As long as that lady is the rotting undead spawn of hell and trying to rip off his face. Otherwise, he’s slightly awkward with the female gender.

Mr. July is…

Ash Williams - Army of Darkness

…Ash Williams from The Evil Dead!

Mr. July’s turn-ons include great values on home goods, his Boomstick, chainsaw hands, and hot women who first want to kill him and later want to kiss him. Turn-offs include his evil doppelganger, the undead, and memorization.

If you head out on the town with Mr. July, just remember: Klaatu Verata Nicto. You just might need it.

Here’s a clip of Mr. July not remembering the words and subsequently summoning the apocalypse, in the form of an evil undead army:

Hail to the king, baby.

Miss July may be a beauty for hire, but there’s no question that she’s her own woman. She’s smart, cultured, sharp-tongued, and knows how to be your perfect companion. This stunning beauty spends her time wandering the ‘verse with her rag-tag group of felony friends, seeing the sights, visiting her clients, and meeting interesting criminals. But don’t be fooled by her high manners and feminine wiles. She’ll cut you down to size with a pistol or one of her biting one-liners.

She is…

Inara Serra - Firefly

…Inara Serra from Firefly!

Miss July’s turn-ons include respect, honor, and ruggedly handsome spaceship captains who hide their feelings with biting one-liners. Her turn-offs include ruggedly handsome spaceship captains who hide their feelings with biting one-liners.

Now, I went looking for a great Inara video but couldn’t find much. People seem to be more interested in making fan tribute videos with crappy, sappy music behind them. I’ll make up for it by giving you guys another picture of our favorite companion.

Inara Serra - Firefly

And, of course, last month I promised I’d find some pinups swag for our gentlemen readers. And it just so happens that there’s some cool Firefly stuff out there. Think Geek has awesome posters of the Serenity women. Also, I found a pretty sweet peg doll set of the Firefly crew, lavender vanilla flavored Inara lip balm, a super groovy Inara t-shirt, and a funny t-shirt.

Thanks for stopping by! Stay tuned for next week when we continue THE CURE, our Choose Your Own Adventure-style series where you vote for the next step in the story. Subscribe to the RSS feed in the sidebar, or follow me on Facebook or Twitter.

Pincushion photo courtesy of Lina-Sydney.