Viewing Archive: humor

SECRET BASE—The Annual Shareholder Meeting at Cobra headquarters was somber as CEO Cobra Commander stood before investors and delivered the bad news: profits were down, and they had won only two battles in the last year. Though the first quarter had shown a significant increase in profits, the next three were riddled with large expenditures and poor management decisions. Analysts cite the determined efforts of Cobra’s evil nemeses, the G.I. Joes, as the key factor in their hardship.

“Real talk, guys,” Cobra Commander said in the midst of his thirty-one slide PowerPoint presentation that detailed their failures. “Winning against the Joes is getting tougher and tougher. They’ve got ‘knowing’ so they’ve already won half the battle. The most we could ever hope to win is the other half.”

Welcome back to another installment of Sci-Fi and Fantasy Pinups, the monthly segment that keeps you coming back for more hunks, hotties, and Oxford commas.

Apologies for putting these up late. I could give you a bunch of silly excuses as to why, but I won’t. The truth is, I finished that novel I sometimes talk about and, once it was over, I was exhausted. Exhausted, but excited. The Spouse-ditor is combing it through now and I’m thrilled to say you’re going to be able to read it in the next couple of months. It’s called THE FOURTH CHANNEL, about the world’s worst necromancer and her talking sacrificial knives. The best I can describe it is Anita Blake meets Stephanie Plum, and contains all the things you’ve come to love on my blog: humor, danger, kick-ass fight scenes, ex-girlfriends, prophecies about toothpaste, evil voodoo masters, and more. I think you’re going to love it.

Welcome back, fans and fan-ettes! It’s that time of the month where we honor the sexiest of the strange and the wildest of the weird — the science fiction pinups!

If this is your first time joining us for the Sci-Fi Pinups, welcome! Catch up by checking out the chestilicious Januaries, the out-of-this-world Februaries, our digitally delicious Marches, ass-kicking April, the mega Mays, and our juicy jugs Junes.

Yes, Van Damme and juicy jugs — there’s a water jug on the floor in the photo. Go check the post. It’s there.

The tough-as-nails action roleplaying game Demon’s Souls hit the scene in 2009 and has been bitch-whipping gamers since. And we keep coming back for more, despite the pain.

The roleplaying game is set in the fictional realm of Boletaria. A “Deep Fog” has surrounded the realm, cutting it off from the rest of the world. Many heroes have attempted to penetrate the fog but have never returned, becoming trapped within it. And before you say it, of course it’s their own damn fault. What idiot runs into the danger?

With only 16 minutes left, Snake has no time to be choosy. He heads for the nearest of the three Starbucks, the smallest building on the left corner. He bursts through the entrance and sends a display of environmentally-friendly, made-from-recycled-plastic travel mugs flying across the store. They ricochet off of walls, customers, and Police Commissioner Bob Hauk’s shiny bald head.

Snake does a double-take at Hauk.

“Hauk,” he hisses.

“Hello, Snake. I’ve been waiting for you.”