Sci-Fi Pinups: Mr. & Miss February 2012

Step aside, George Clooney and Heidi Klum — the sci-fi pinups are back by popular demand!

Crowning this month’s Mr. and Miss was no simple task. I had no idea how I was going to top a three-breasted chick and a deranged super-human whose name you’ll enjoy screaming either in the throes of passion or as he’s trying to stuff a gigantic, brain-controlling bug in your ear. Lucky for us, the universe is vast and full of weirdness, giving us plenty to choose from.

This month’s sci-fi babes are out of this world — and they each have their own theme songs.

Miss February comes from the planet Krypton, where she pursued a career in insurrection. After moving to Earth, she had an eye-opening tour of the White House and decided to try her hand at politics. Her ambition is to become the ruler of the entire world.

I love a woman with goals.

This sci-fi hottie rose to the top of the competition by beating the ever-living crap out of the other candidates. She is…

Ursa from Superman II!

Miss February likes burning things alive with her laser eyesight, wearing clothes that look like she’s been mauled by a tiger, and buttons. Especially if they’re your buttons. Those buttons will soon be hers.

Her turn-offs are floating around space in a stupid plate of glass, the Son of Jor-El, people who don’t kneel before Zod, and your annoying girlfriend. In fact, if you have any girlfriends lying around, she’ll be happy to get rid of them for you.

If you plan on having a hot night out with Miss February, be sure to check in with your priest or rabbi beforehand. Because the town is going to be painted red.

In your blood. (She hates men.)

And now, here’s her theme song! Please be advised, it’s NSFW.

Chorus:
Ursa, sh-t kicking, ass-kicking queen of the universe
Her name will make grown men cower
Ursa, sh-t kicking, ass-kicking queen of the universe
Her name will make grown men cower

Adorable, right? But we’re not done yet. Now it’s time for our hot sci-fi hunk!

Mr. February is ready for action because he’s made of hard light, which makes him virtually indestructible. He’s from our home planet Earth but spends his time in deep space, seeking out danger and searching out peril.

And then finding the best way to run away from it.

He is…

Arnold Rimmer from Red Dwarf!

Mr. February’s a man of few words. In the bedroom, the only word you’re likely to hear him utter is “Geronimo”. His current career as a chicken soup machine repairman may not seem like much at first glance, but it’s a nice vacation from one of his past lives, when he was Alexander the Great’s chief eunuch. His work also allows time to pursue his lifelong passion of discovering alien civilizations. At one point he thought he had done so, though, instead of finding a six-breasted alien woman, it turns out he had only found a roast chicken.

Arnold likes green-beret haircuts, Morris dancing (whatever that is), incorrectly quoting Space Corps directives, and failing the astro-navigation exam repeatedly. His turn-offs are charm, style, and Dave Lister.

Mr. February has a special place in my heart, because he’s a character from one of my most favorite television shows of all time.

Here’s his theme song:

He’s Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer
Without him life would be much grimmer
He’s handsome, trim, and no-one slimmer
He will never need a zimmer

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Coming up is another epic showdown between two hotly-contested science fiction hunks and a requested review of Kingdoms of Amalur.

Pincushion photo courtesy of Steven Depolo.