Sci-Fi Pinups: Mr. & Miss October 2017

Welcome back to the Sci-Fi Pinups! After a long hiatus, I’m back in action — so get your engines ready for this month’s hotties. If you’re new to the pinups, welcome! This is the monthly segment where we feature our favorite characters from all corners of science fiction and fantasy, whether they’re a triple-breasted Martian babe, the Hoff in a Speedo (you’re welcome), or a dude who summons a demon apocalypse because he can’t remember the words.

I do it because I care.

If you like what you see, subscribe to my email list and receive more crazy-hot monthly pinup action. Probably more crazy than hot. You’ve been warned.

So let’s get to it! Continue reading “Sci-Fi Pinups: Mr. & Miss October 2017”

Sci-Fi Pinups: Mr. & Miss July 2013

Pin Cushion Good news, gang! I bought a new calendar so that I won’t forget to announce our monthly sci-fi pinups… though I’ll totally procrastinate working on them anyway.

But hey, at least I won’t have an excuse.

And with that, welcome back to the Science Fiction & Fantasy Pinups, the monthly segment that’s almost always on time. Once a month we comb through the list of hotties and naughties and hard-rock bodies to crown the cream of the crop. But of course, it’s the sci-fi pinups, so they’re not exactly your momma’s Chippendales or your papa’s Playboy Playmates.

They’d be green-skinned Chippendales. With tentacles and laser beam eyes. And that would be hot. And the sci-fi version of Playboy Playmates would be whatever Captain Kirk takes his shirt off for.

Which is everything with legs.

So let’s get to it and announce our winners for July!

Mr. July is a sales clerk at a sporting goods store by day, and a jump-starter of evil undead apocalypses by night. He’s an experienced time traveler, renaissance man, and a total lady killer.

As long as that lady is the rotting undead spawn of hell and trying to rip off his face. Otherwise, he’s slightly awkward with the female gender.

Mr. July is…

Ash Williams - Army of Darkness

…Ash Williams from The Evil Dead!

Mr. July’s turn-ons include great values on home goods, his Boomstick, chainsaw hands, and hot women who first want to kill him and later want to kiss him. Turn-offs include his evil doppelganger, the undead, and memorization.

If you head out on the town with Mr. July, just remember: Klaatu Verata Nicto. You just might need it.

Here’s a clip of Mr. July not remembering the words and subsequently summoning the apocalypse, in the form of an evil undead army:

Hail to the king, baby.

Miss July may be a beauty for hire, but there’s no question that she’s her own woman. She’s smart, cultured, sharp-tongued, and knows how to be your perfect companion. This stunning beauty spends her time wandering the ‘verse with her rag-tag group of felony friends, seeing the sights, visiting her clients, and meeting interesting criminals. But don’t be fooled by her high manners and feminine wiles. She’ll cut you down to size with a pistol or one of her biting one-liners.

She is…

Inara Serra - Firefly

…Inara Serra from Firefly!

Miss July’s turn-ons include respect, honor, and ruggedly handsome spaceship captains who hide their feelings with biting one-liners. Her turn-offs include ruggedly handsome spaceship captains who hide their feelings with biting one-liners.

Now, I went looking for a great Inara video but couldn’t find much. People seem to be more interested in making fan tribute videos with crappy, sappy music behind them. I’ll make up for it by giving you guys another picture of our favorite companion.

Inara Serra - Firefly

And, of course, last month I promised I’d find some pinups swag for our gentlemen readers. And it just so happens that there’s some cool Firefly stuff out there. Think Geek has awesome posters of the Serenity women. Also, I found a pretty sweet peg doll set of the Firefly crew, lavender vanilla flavored Inara lip balm, a super groovy Inara t-shirt, and a funny t-shirt.

Thanks for stopping by! Stay tuned for next week when we continue THE CURE, our Choose Your Own Adventure-style series where you vote for the next step in the story. Subscribe to the RSS feed in the sidebar, or follow me on Facebook or Twitter.

Pincushion photo courtesy of Lina-Sydney. Continue reading “Sci-Fi Pinups: Mr. & Miss July 2013”

Cobra Command Financially Down, But Not Out, Says Evil Empire’s Leadership

G.I. Joe - COBRA LogoSECRET BASE—The Annual Shareholder Meeting at Cobra headquarters was somber as CEO Cobra Commander stood before investors and delivered the bad news: profits were down, and they had won only two battles in the last year. Though the first quarter had shown a significant increase in profits, the next three were riddled with large expenditures and poor management decisions. Analysts cite the determined efforts of Cobra’s evil nemeses, the G.I. Joes, as the key factor in their hardship.

“Real talk, guys,” Cobra Commander said in the midst of his thirty-one slide PowerPoint presentation that detailed their failures. “Winning against the Joes is getting tougher and tougher. They’ve got ‘knowing’ so they’ve already won half the battle. The most we could ever hope to win is the other half.”

But the evil association’s message wasn’t one devoid of hope. Following the dismal financial forecast, Emperor Serpentor took the stage and reiterated the group’s commitment to world domination and defeating “those damned Joes.” He detailed a plan that would put the company back in the black.

“We’re prepared to make sacrifices,” Serpentor told the group, “starting with Bob. You’re toast, pal. We’re also going to cut back on the amount of laser fire during our conflicts. Sure, heavy weapons fire that doesn’t actually hit anything is one of our most effective tactics, but it’s expensive. We’re going to cut back on the laser fire and supplement with laser pointers. I know a guy at a cat toy company who will sell us a bunch for cheap. Third, we’re thinking about moving our headquarters. Destro keeps a close eye on the Internet, and thinks that in Soviet Russia we may defeat the Joes.”

After the formal discussion ended, the Q&A session dissolved into needless finger pointing. “As the leader of this organization, I’m fully aware that the blame for our shortcomings falls solely on the shoulders of one person,” said Cobra Commander, “and that person is Baroness. Wait, did you think I was going to say it’s my fault? Don’t be ridiculous.” The meeting then broke out into a laser gun fight where no one was actually shot.

A high-ranking member of the G.I. Joes who spoke on condition of anonymity said, “We knew Cobra was holding a big meeting, so we sent our best spy to find their secret base and listen in on their plans. Unfortunately our best guy is Snake Eyes and he doesn’t talk, so he couldn’t tell us what was said. I’m sure it was the usual talk about how we suck and they’re going to take over the world. We’re not worried. They don’t even have the biological weapons Doctor Mindbender keeps bragging about. They’re just shell casings loaded with Pop Rocks and Canada Dry.”

A spokesperson for Cobra Command declined to comment. Continue reading “Cobra Command Financially Down, But Not Out, Says Evil Empire’s Leadership”

Sci-Fi Pinups: Mr. & Miss August 2012

PinCushion Welcome back to another installment of Sci-Fi and Fantasy Pinups, the monthly segment that keeps you coming back for more hunks, hotties, and Oxford commas.

Apologies for putting these up late. I could give you a bunch of silly excuses as to why, but I won’t. The truth is, I finished that novel I sometimes talk about and, once it was over, I was exhausted. Exhausted, but excited. The Spouse-ditor is combing it through now and I’m thrilled to say you’re going to be able to read it in the next couple of months. It’s called THE FOURTH CHANNEL, about the world’s worst necromancer and her talking sacrificial knives. The best I can describe it is Anita Blake meets Stephanie Plum, and contains all the things you’ve come to love on my blog. The book has humor, danger, kick-ass fight scenes, ex-girlfriends, prophecies about toothpaste, evil voodoo masters, and more. I think you’re going to love it.

And next week I’m going to reveal the cover. Maybe I’ll post the first chapter for you, too? Not a bad idea. So stay tuned for more about THE FOURTH CHANNEL.

If this is your first time stopping by for the pin-ups, welcome! You can find links to previous months on July’s pinups, as well as an attempt at cheesy puns.

Puns are not my forte.

And now for the pinups!

Miss August is a bounty hunter with sass. After spending half a century in cryogenic sleep, she’s back and she’s bad. She’s also broke. When she’s not cruising around the universe looking for a scumbag with a price tag on their head, she’s conning, conniving, and swindling the best. She is…

Faye Valentine

…Faye Valentine from Cowboy Bebop!

Miss August’s turn-ons include double-crossing you, double-crossing your friends, stealing your money, stealing your bounty, and cool purple hair. Turn-offs include being handcuffed to toilets and finding out the bounty on her head is a measly 6 million wulongs.

If you decide to ask Miss August out on a date, well, you’d better just hand your wallet over and call it a night.

Mr. August comes to us from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. He’s a savvy businessman in charge of a floating city. He’s also a swindler and a scoundrel, and lost the fastest hunk-of-junk in the galaxy in a card game. He is…

Lando Calrissian

…Lando Calrissian from Star Wars!

Mr. August’s turn-ons are double-crossing you, setting your friends up as bait, wearing spectacularly fabulous capes, and princesses from Alderaan. His turn-offs include altering your deals, being shot at by people blinded by carbon freeze, and the Empire.

If you decide to hit the town with Mr. August, you’d better have a back-up plan in case of being double-crossed.

Thanks so much for joining me again for the Sci-Fi Pinups of the month! If you like what you’re seeing here on the site, please subscribe for more: the RSS link is in the sidebar, and you can also subscribe to me on Twitter and Facebook.

Pincushion photo courtesy of Steven Depolo. Continue reading “Sci-Fi Pinups: Mr. & Miss August 2012”

Sci-Fi Pinups: Mr. & Miss July 2012

PinCushion Welcome back, fans and fan-ettes! It’s that time of the month where we honor the sexiest of the strange and the wildest of the weird — the science fiction pinups!

If this is your first time joining us for the Sci-Fi Pinups, welcome! Catch up by checking out the chestilicious Januaries, the out-of-this-world Februaries, our digitally delicious Marches, ass-kicking Aprils, the mega Mays, and our juicy jugs Junes.

Yes, Van Damme and juicy jugs — there’s a water jug on the floor in the photo. Go check the picture. It’s there.

Yes! Jugs! Look, that was a lot of stupid puns to use in one sitting and I couldn’t think of anything else. In fact, the left half of my brain is numb now. Don’t let me do that again.

And now for our hotties!

Miss July may look like a spring chicken, but she’s much, much older than she looks. I just wouldn’t mention it in front of her. There’s a reason she’s called “The Destroyer”, if you know what I’m saying. Her turn-ons are gigantic hell dogs, firing colored bolts of power from her fingers (at you), and parading around as the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Turn-offs include people who aren’t gods and crossing the streams. She is…

Gozer the Gozarian

…Gozer the Gozarian from Ghostbusters!

She may not even be a chick, but with such a hot bod, who cares? If you head out on the town with Miss July, remember: if she asks if you’re a god, for the love of all that’s holy, say yes.

BONUS: Here’s a video of Miss July in action!

Mr. July is from our own planet Earth, but in the distant 27th century, where things are just as bodacious as he is. No one knows if he really has a career, though he does ride around in a phone booth and make sure the future utopia of humanity stays intact. Mr. July’s turn-ons include cool sunglasses, righteous guitar shredding, and helping people with their history reports. Turn-offs include being late for history reports and your girlfriend marrying royal ugly dudes. He is…

Rufus - Bill & Teds Excellent Adventure

…Rufus from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure!

If you head out on the town with Mr. July, you’ll probably spend a lot of time being excellent to each other.

…Uh, wow. That was a lot less perverted in my head, I swear.

BONUS: Here’s a video of Mr. July in action!

Thanks for joining me for another month of Sci-Fi Pinups! If you like what you’re reading, please subscribe to the site for more. The RSS link is in the sidebar. You can also follow me on Twitter or Facebook.

Pincushion photo courtesy of Steven Depolo. Continue reading “Sci-Fi Pinups: Mr. & Miss July 2012”