Dark Souls: Prepare to Die Edition

Dark Souls The tough-as-nails action roleplaying game Demon’s Souls hit the scene in 2009 and has been bitch-whipping gamers since. And we keep coming back for more, despite the pain.

The roleplaying game is set in the fictional realm of Boletaria. A “Deep Fog” has surrounded the realm, cutting it off from the rest of the world. Many heroes have attempted to penetrate the fog but have never returned, becoming trapped within it. And before you say it, of course it’s their own damn fault. What idiot runs into the danger?

Ridiculous Fanfic: Escape from Seattle Part 2

Snake ShirtlessWith only 16 minutes left, Snake has no time to be choosy. He heads for the nearest of the three Starbucks, the smallest building on the left corner. He bursts through the entrance and sends a display of environmentally-friendly, made-from-recycled-plastic travel mugs flying across the store. They ricochet off of walls, customers, and Police Commissioner Bob Hauk’s shiny bald head.

Snake does a double-take at Hauk.

“Hauk,” he hisses.

“Hello, Snake. I’ve been waiting for you.”

Ridiculous Fanfic: Escape From Seattle Part 1

Snake Demotivational

It’s 2:00am. The streets of Seattle are pitch black and lonely, save for the occasional, near-burned-out street lamp casting pools of dim, yellowed light on the asphalt, and a 24-hour Starbucks on every corner and squeezed into the spare square footage of every bank, gas station, and grocery store. A lone man stalks the sidewalk, his black leather pants and matching wife-beater blending with the dark, and his long, feathered hair rustling gently in the breeze. His one eye squints dubiously at the Starbucks. The other is hidden behind a black eyepatch.

The man marches straight through the Starbucks parking lot and jerks the door open. Inside, a long customer line trails from the register back to the door and doesn’t seem to be moving. The man charges forward, shoving college students and hipsters aside. Their screams and protests fill the air as they are tossed either to the ground or into large displays of organically grown, free-trade coffee beans. He charges toward the front, his mission urgent: Snake Plissken needs a latte.

Game Reviews: Amalur & The Darkness II

The gaming world has seen a lot of exciting new releases over the last couple of months. I’ve been avoiding the mainstream games for my reviews (with the exception of my Skyrim review) because I wanted to branch out into quirky, eclectic games that not everyone has seen. But I do play a lot of mainstream games. Today we’re going to do a double-header, so grab your controller of choice and strap in.

The Musings of Princess Dominika: Dear Diary Part I

Xena the Warrior PrincessDear Diary,

A few days ago, I awoke in a strange town, after being spirited away in the night by fairies.

Ha! Ha! Okay, Diary, you caught me — what really happened was that I got drunk and fell asleep in the back of a wagon full of chickens. The owner discovered me beneath the straw when I punched two of his chickens. I sent one flying out of the truck where it bounced off a tree, rolled through the dirt and ran, squawking into the thick forest to freedom. The other hit its owner in the back of the head.